rant - be warned

Today I realized that it's National Pet Peeve week. I've never needed a reason to share the things that drive me bat-shit crazy, but heck, if the week COMMANDS it, then who am I to deny you?

I'll start by saying that it's totally my father's fault that I'm an impatient, easily annoyed girl. I don't take people's crap well, there's really no other way to say it. But I do have things that annoy me more than others; things that will send my blood pressure through the roof and make me want to hit things. I realize as I write this, that it appears that I have a problem with rage. I can assure that's not the case – as long as the following things are kept under control by the people that surround me.

1. If you make more noise chewing your food than you do talking. This normally means one of two things. Either you have taken too much food into your pie hole and can't chew it at a normal volume or, two, you were raised by wolves.

2. If you don't stop for people in crosswalks. I won't go on about this, as I've already clearly told you how I feel.

3. If you give me advice via my Facebook status. Just because I'm your 'friend' doesn't mean that I need you to tell me what what you think I should do. If you are family or someone that I would talk to everyday regardless of our Facebook interaction, then you get a free pass. But if we aren't tight, stay out of my shit. Now, if I ask a specific question, then all bets are off. But most times, my status is not meant as an invitation for "you know what you should do?" commentary. Just sayin'.

4. If you have poor grammar.  I can't handle people who don't know the difference between their, they're, and there. Or the difference between lose and loose. Or the difference between your and you're. Or the difference between its and it's. Or the difference between...never mind, you get the point.

Look, no one is perfect. I have found errors in my writing and I'm mortified when I realize that I haven't caught the mistake before hitting the "publish" button. Mistakes happen, and always will. But if you are a working professional and your job includes sending emails to other professionals, then you may want to brush up on your skills. Not only does it annoy me, but it makes you look uneducated.

5. If you litter. Here's the deal - it's called a trash receptacle for a reason - it RECEIVES trash. If you have one, single thing that you don't put in a trash can, you are destroying my planet. You know what? That means you piss me off.

But above all, my single, biggest pet peeve is you smokers who think that the world is your ashtray. Driving behind a vehicle that tosses a burning butt out the car window makes me want to act violently towards you. It makes me want to reenact any number of scenes from Pulp Fiction on you. Probably not the gimp scene, but there are so many other options. Seriously, DON'T THROW YOUR CIGARETTE BUTTS OUT YOUR CAR WINDOW!! Don't toss them on the ground as you are walking down the street. Don't rub them against a brick wall and then toss them in the grass. You are committing a crime and I will tell you about it. I honk at you while driving and I remind you of your crime when walking. Yes, I'm one of those people. You know what? Don't do it and you won't have to listen to me bitch. Pretty easy solution as far as I'm concerned.



That's my short list. The end.